November 25th: Toldot
THIS WEEK IN THE TORAH
Rabbi David E. Ostrich
What is our goal in life? What are our hopes for our children? There are lots of blessings for which we pray, but the word happiness can summarize them all. We want to be happy, and we wish it on those we love. (Think of the many times parents say to children, “I just want you to be happy.”) It is a ubiquitous hope, but it may not be as inclusive or expansive as we think.
One might think that the Patriarchs and Matriarchs were happy. How grand it must be to be one of God’s elected! Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, and Jacob, Rachel, and Leah were gifted with a destiny of holiness and greatness, and we look back on the endeavor they founded—our Jewish people—with admiration and appreciation for their faith and resolve. But were they happy?
The Torah does not really speak much about happiness. It does not rule it out or blame people for seeking it. However, the lessons of the Torah teach faith and principle and persistence. These are the words that characterize the lives of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs.
An example is Rebekah. She is a woman of great faith and resourcefulness. In last week’s Torah portion, we see her extend great hospitality to a wayfarer (who turns out to be the servant of her Uncle Abraham). She offers him water, waters his camels, and then invites them all to the family camp to spend the night. This kind of hospitality is most commendable, but the Midrash concocts a scenario in which she does all this—as well as consenting to marry Isaac—when she is just three years old. She is a determined young woman who is full of faith and who believes in the destiny that God has set before her.
However, her life is not easy—and, whatever happiness she may find, there are moments of difficulty and the opposite of happiness. Her destiny takes her far away from home and family and friends. She and her husband experience infertility for some twenty years: “Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah for his wife…and Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife, because she was barren; and the Lord granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived….and Isaac was sixty years old when she bore the twins.” (Genesis 25.20-26)
When she finally gets pregnant, she has a very hard time: “The children struggled together inside her and she said, ‘If this be so, why am I thus?’ And she went to inquire of the Lord.”
God’s answer is helpful, but it does not bring happiness. Rather, it foretells a lifetime of conflict between the brothers. “The Lord said to her, ‘Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples shall be separated from your bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.’” (Genesis 25.22-23)
Though the sibling difficulties are prophesied by the Lord, Rebekah and Isaac are drawn into the fray. “And Isaac loved Esau, because he ate of his venison; but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25.28)
When Esau grows up, his marriages bring more conflict to the family: “Esau was forty years old when he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; And they made life bitter for Isaac and for Rebekah.” (Genesis 26.34-35)
And, there is the general question of Isaac’s ability or lack thereof. In Genesis 27, we are told about Isaac being “old, and his eyes were dim,” but there is a surprising lack of information about Isaac doing much of anything in his younger years. Compared to his father Abraham and his son Jacob, Isaac does not seem to be much of an active force in the world. He is traumatized as a child up on Mount Moriah. His wife is chosen by a family servant. He likes one son because of venison, but he does not seem to have much of a relationship with either of his boys. One thing we know is that he “meditates alone in the fields.” (Genesis 24.63) Perhaps he is a bit of a spiritual luftmensch—someone not particularly adept at the practicalities of life. Perhaps he carries life-long scars from his traumatic almost sacrifice. Perhaps there are other impairments. The point is that Isaac may not be the strong and resourceful Patriarch; he even chooses the wrong son to ordain as his spiritual successor—necessitating Rebekah’s clandestine corrective measures! The burden of the family, the tribe, and even the developing religion seem to rest upon Rebekah’s shoulders—and she carries the weight of the Tradition, making the future possible. She is a pivotal figure in our religious history, but the words that describe this Matriarch’s life may be other than happiness. The values that our Mother Rebekah exemplifies are purpose, strength, resourcefulness, and faith. Her life was most certainly a blessing.
Fast forward some four thousand years to the modern television drama Fargo which combines the Jewish sensibilities of the Coen Brothers with the hardy stoicism and purpose of archetypal Minnesota. Though many of the characters in the drama are evil or foolish or both, there are some genuine heroes, and one of them is State Trooper Lou Solverson. In the finale of Season Two, he muses about the incredible efforts some devote to protecting and caring for their families—often sacrificing themselves. He refers to a man who died this way and says to the widow, “Your husband. He said he was gonna protect his family—no matter what. And I acted like I didn’t understand, but I do. It’s the rock we all push, men. We call it our burden, but it’s really our privilege.”
I believe that this is as true for women as it is for men. And I believe that there are many among us who know the burden and the privilege of pushing this rock—or carrying this load. Some of us are privileged to have strength and fortitude. Some of us need assistance. And, even the strong must occasionally be carried. We are all children of Rebekah.
We pray for happiness. We pray for smooth roads and fair skies. But given the nature of the world, we must also pray for strength and courage and purpose and faith. In so many ways, these are the qualities that make happiness possible.